JNez@thirtydaes.2010

wow two of the most beautiful r&b singers just became mothers: christina milian & the-dream welcomed violet on friday 2.26.10 while keyshia cole and nba player daniel gibson became parents of daniel jr. last night, 3.2.10.

i know both the-dream & dude are basking in the afterglow of becoming fathers. it’s an amazing feeling. and you both got to see absolutely beautiful women carrying your child. i hope you loved her like a verb…lol it’s a challenge action-verb loving a pregnant woman sometimes but absolutely amazing to see your child growing within her.

congrats to both sets of parents! prepare to be transformed! lol. most of all i send both couples enough patience & love to stay together! stay married   the first year together with a new baby is a challenge. remember why you fell in love and keep thinking about how that love created your child together. together. so stay together. let’s make sure these two couples stay together folks….give them all the support they need

it wasn’t exactly a blizzard, but new york city got walloped by a massive snow storm today. predictions yesterday were for 12-18 but we were mostly ended up in the 6-12 range. i hear we here in the bronx got the most snow, 10 inches. that’s pretty good.

new york city mayor mike bloomberg jolted parents but elated students when he announced yesterday that schools would be closed today in advance of the storm. this gave parents plenty of time to make alternative plans but the snow day was totally unexpected. our meteorologists caught it for their prediction of 12 inches of snow last weekend when we didn’t see a single flake. many were wary also because during the evening the temperature felt seasonable, warm, even. how could a blizzard be on the way, we thought…

but indeed, the predicted storm arrived with snowflakes around 4 am and by 7 am had covered the sidewalks. snow fell for the rest of the morning and afternoon. thankfully, there weren’t blizzard conditions but it was a challenge getting around.

the girls wanted to play in the snow but i am really too old for that. really. i love the way snow looks but hate that it’s so cold. it gets in places and makes you cold. i hate to be cold…and wet. ewww. sorry, no snow play for me anymore lol.

but their mom took them to the park to romp in the snow a little after we exchanged parenting duties lol. they got to enjoy it. see i remember the feb. 12 snowstorm in 2006, the presidents’ day blizzard in 2003 & the blizzard of ’96. each of those storms dumped nearly 2 feet of snow on nyc. the snow wouldn’t melt for days, it just got dirtier and dirtier…and the slush. it’s horrible getting around nyc after a snowstorm but we’re new yorkers and we do it.

anyway, the pic is from snowfall we had in december 2008. i’m too uninspired to catch another image of snow in new york lol. this one’s damn good so i’ll keep using it. happy snow day! 2.10.10. can’t wait to see what the weather will be like 5.10.10. bet you it’s a beautiful day with blue skies and a warm breeze. hurry up spring!!!

check in if you’re a parent & have a child ‘on punishment.’ lol what the hell. just what is this ‘punishment? most common: no tv

2nd most common punishment: no electronics. 3rd: reading & writing. yep. this is how bad it is….reading & writing are used as punishments

many of you parents still try the: ‘i will not _______’ x number of times. oh boy did we find a way to organize those lol. we’d write the words by rows: i, i, i, i, ….will, will, will…lol. what you got for us? 50 times? 100 times? 250? i once had to write a statement 500 times, i believe. oh boy. the pages lol

but no..it’s terrible that we punish our kids with reading & writing. no wonder they have an aversion to it. do not use reading as punishment!

dad got hip to me quick. punishment for me was the opposite: taking away my books and sources of information lol. i longed for a book or something to read while standing in the corner all those bloody hours

thing is, if you take away all electronics there’s nothing left for the kid to do but read. and hey, why not make them write about they read. practice your reading and writing skills young ‘un cause the fun stuff is restricted.

it’s the duration of the punishment though. anything over a week is excessive. really. and you knucklehead kids better understand that whatever you did to deserve punishment is wrong and learn quickly & absolutely not to do again!! that’s prolly why the punishment was so severe in the first place.

you did something again…something you already got punished for lol. now we got to take it to the max. you know you done fucked up now so we’re taking everything away from you. the hell did you do it again?? lol you got punished once for it and still did it again. i bet it was something stupid too. you tweens and teens think you’re so smart but you forget that we were you, we made you, and we are you lol.

don’t get carried away with punishments though. i know it’s hard. you’re infuriated by the offense we committed but never insult or strike a tween/teen. it only breeds hate. best thing to do is get away from each other. send your child to the room while you compose yourself. try to let the anger subside before you think of the punishment you’ll dish out. thank god clair huxtable showed us that example lol.

do not punish a teen/tween immediately and while you’re angry. take some time to reflect and examine what they did and why. let your anger subside before you punish. think about the lesson you want to teach them and come up with a reasonable consequence. lol and remember it was once you getting punished and how you felt

so punishment or restriction or grounding or whatever you call it needs to be regulated lol. some of you are excessive. way excessive. completely ignore the kid when he’s being punished. or you lack self control and strike a kid. save that for the very, very, very bad incident lol. and never on or near the face: do not strike a child in the face! omg…never, never, never. that is the most humiliating thing ever. it stays with us. if you can look your child in the eye while striking them in the face you’ve lost control. you need to get far away from each other…

i’m rambling but the thing is this….punishment is necessary so that young people learn that there are consequences for wrong decisions. but there is no need to be brutal. taking away privileges is fine, but make sure reading & writing are encouragement and not punishment.

i’m really not into it. didn’t put up a tree, nothing. barely exchanged gifts even. shame on me. but i just wasn’t with it…goodness. everything is christmas, gifts, cheer, family. all of that isn’t happening for all of us. some of us are really down this holiday and just want it to be over. i can’t ever remember looking forward to january as much as i am now.

still, i promised to prepare a christmas dinner and that’s what i’m doing. got a beautiful turkey i named henny as i was massaging and seasoning it lol. he’s in the fridge now, waiting for 5:00 am when i get up and put him in the oven to bake. poor guy. he’s ok with it though lol.

ahhh…what else is on the menu…oh yeah, fresh collard greens. they’re already seasoned and cooking on the stovetop along with the turkey neck. oh the neck yields an excellent broth when boiled with seasoned water. it must be cooked on low overnight though. the broth can be used for gravy but the meat…that will be tender and fall off the bones. chop it up and simmer the meat in a pan with celery, green peppers & onions. there’s the dressing for the stuffing lol.

so yep…i’m here…alone. the girls are with their mom at grandma’s house. they have a christmas eve dinner and celebration. i pick up the girls tomorrow evening and we’ll have our dinner & celebration. hah! with no tree. and one present! lol these kids are expensive. one thing now…$150 is the limit per item lol.

hope you have a merry xmas or whatever we’re supposed to feel today.

i must say, i had a great fathers day 2009. the ex kicked things off by waiting in line at a local at&t store friday morning to get the new iPhone 3gs for yours truly! what an awesome gift! we spent the evening together while i familiarized myself with the new features.

friday was also field day at school for my 3rd grader. the whole family came out to support her: the ex wife (her mom), older sister, myself & of course the young nephew jaron. we all had a great time and she placed in 4 of the 5 events she entered!

there was another fathers day surprise awaiting me on friday evening when black twitterati selected me for a profile in their weekly celebration of interesting black folk on twitter. the laudatory and admiring post about my commitment to fatherhood & the raw, honest self-awareness illustrated in my tweets and here on the blog can be read here. you know that absolutely made my weekend

saturday was pretty mellow, considering the weather and all. the ex composed two terrific guest posts about manhood, fatherhood & his  relationships with me & the girls that i was eager to publish.

sunday, fathers day, i gathered the girls & my oldest nephew & his girlfriend and we headed up to connecticut to spend the day with my mother & sister who are visiting from north carolina this week. we met at my oldest cousin’s house in a family reunion of sorts and all of the children (who are cousins) were able to meet and/or get reacquainted while the adults did the same.

i was exhausted after all the driving today but it was good to see family again, especially to watch the children together. i am grateful for yet another great fathers day and thank you to the many of you who sent warm fathers day wishes my way.

Manhood-Fatherhood

Dark chocolate with a luminescent smile……
Intellect that flows like the Nile, yet humble…..
The symbol of strength and undeniable style…..
Refusing to give up stand still and crumble…..
Support..protection, and love given freely…never stumble
Adversity met with conviction for miles…..
The man the father revered for being unmistakeably original