JNez@thirtydaes.2010

as told to twitter on 8.3.08

226pm: outside eating a sandwich and watching with amusement contrasting reactions by drivers to a malfunctioning stoplight

238pm: some drivers impatiently honk @ the first inclination that the stoplight’s broken. Others wait interminably for a green that will never come

239pm: then there’s the herd mentality: 7 or more cars following each other through the red light. The lone dissenter waits lawfully 4 their turn

241pm: wow a bus just cleared the queue of waiting cars with an angry honk and menacing, repetitive airbrake pumping.

244pm: one red late 90′s sedan, surely driven by a woman of advancing age, waits through at least three cycles and increasingly hostile honking

247pm: an ambulance uses lights and sirens to coax a gray explorer through the red light. 3 other cars follow suit. Queue is clear again.

250pm: I’ve moved closer so I can study the faces & body language of the drivers now. An Asian woman with sunglasses perched on hair is seething

251pm: blue camry in front of her impedes her path through the broken stoplight. She just grabbed her cell phone to complain to someone about it

253pm: decided to wave the churchgoing woman driving the blue camry through the stoplight before things got ugly. Next up: white minivan.

256pm: a green buick refuses to go through the red until all cars behind join in an angry cacophony of horns and aggressive gestures. Queue cleared

300pm: an early GMC SUV blaring “still dre” waits at the light now. I’m bobbing my head w/the driver. Wait he just stopped. He’s growing impatient

302pm: and again: angry honks from cars waiting behind. Rap guy allows others to pass because: a cop car awaits just ahead. No matter. All through.

303pm: and with that last one; I’m done. Hey that was fun!

now how you gonna design a toilet so that poop is directly deposited and collects on the inside porcelain instead of smoothly disappearing into the abyss like all other toilet admissions? what fateful lack of oversight resulted in the immediate adherence of exiting dookie to the inner porcelain due to a lack of sufficient water depth at that critical juncture? the stubborn tenacity of the doo-doo stains in clinging to the porcelain under the torrent of water pressure generated by the flush is remarkable. and it happens far too often in my home, leaving behind humiliating traces of what my body consumes and violently rejects. dear god.

hehe…ever the joker, last night i mass sent “dammit i forgot my drank” as a text message to about 14 people in my address book. here are the responses that came back:

• who is this?
• lmao! I’m having wine with my dinner! Actually on my second glass
• time to hit the liq!
• where did u forget???
• what the hell u talking bout cuz u drunk lol?
• what u talking bout
• i’ll have one ready for you
• i’m sure he has one for u
• what?
• lol wat you talking bout
• lol did u find it

you wanted me to help you with the stroller that evening

well you didn’t say it but i saw when the front wheel rolled off

and you and the little one were halted as you jogged in front of me

you looked bewildered and she did too

wondering how the heck

and what to do

so when she threw her bottle at you

i stopped, turned around, and picked up the lost screw

rode over and handed it back to you

you smiled at me with gratitude

took the screw and with the nut

reattached the wheel and curiously looked up

you saw me smile and felt my vibe

wanted to linger and so did i

silence followed awkwardly

until the baby yelled she had to pee

so we found a restroom to your relief

and then you said goodbye to me

the playground you were headed it seemed

so i followed you there secretly

watched you push her in the swing

and take her out so gently

but my boy was waiting and i was late

stole one last look at you and Kate

you thought i admired how you were with her

but i really wanted your wallet sir

…let morning adjust your memory of the previous night as you sniff the air for the smell of coffee brewing. notice how dry your mouth is and start imagining what you wouldn’t do for a sip of water. no, there is no coffee brewing. now your memory returns full as you feel your head throbbing and you reach for your phone. 2 text messages. 2 hours late. 2 bad it wasn’t worth it. damn…just get up and get dressed. and go home.

that showed class and restraint, i’m sure. i mean she coulda flung them out the window in a drive-by. i had told her i was attracted to a guy i met on a business trip. told her that the environment was gay affirming and i was rethinking my decision to commit to her. i met her outside when she pulled up in a cab with them. i was thinking “ok so we’ll see each other and straighten this out.” she held the driver as she paid him and gripped the bag with what she realized was most important to me. my escape. from everything, including her. our eyes met as she placed the bag on the ground in front of me. hurt was masked by anger and determination. “i’m not willing to put up with this,” she was thinking. “but i’m trying to sort it all out with you, i’m so confused,” my eyes returned. but we both needed the symbolism of the moment. so she got back in the cab and i grabbed the bag handle and went inside.