JNez@thirtydaes.2010

time’s up fella

death is coming to getcha

grab something to take witcha

you knew i was coming now didntcha

did your best with what i sentcha

a great father i gotta commend ya

but fatherhood should be understood

you ain’t special for doing what you should

so mr. anywho what can i do for you

did you worship as you were told to

am i what you imagined or even close to

you know your d.o.d. but you’re not supposed to

and so the next 20 years you’d better devote to

finishing off all your demons

withering, feeble and weakened

maintain your disease treatment

give up smoking & drinking

has jnez really picked his death date

i’ll be 57 will i really die that day

3.30.30 r.i.p jnez@thirtydaes

i had no idea how hideous my jock itch scars were. i finally took a good look at my body and it is a dark, nappy mess down there. when did this happen?? omg. wtf. then my belly of course…it used to be so different. 20 years ago…give me back the body i had then. i’ll take better care of it, i promise.

now i feel absolutely unattractive. at least to the people who i’m attracted to…the pretty people. i’ve never been one but i’ve done ok lol. but i look at my body now and can’t possibly see how anyone could be turned on by it. i can only hope it looks different through a lens of lust lol.

i remember when i first felt jock itch. took me a while to get treated cause scratching down there felt so good. lol i’ve probably had it on and off for the last 13 years or so. i should have taken care of it the first time. never was consistent applying the fungal cream. it’s greasy and odorous. if you don’t apply it to the area twice daily for nearly 2 weeks it keeps returning.

i first noticed the scarring about 5 or 6 years ago. i was alarmed then but after that i only made sure i was consistent applying the cream whenever my crotch started to itch. man i used to get carried away scratching lol. but the itch was so intense…and i would often scratch until i drew blood. then it burned like hell showering.

i continued to ignore my jock itch scars. heck black people don’t scar well. the skin gets even darker, and coarse. that’s what’s going on in my crotch. now i’m propelled to action after looking at myself on video. what can i use to get rid of scars? cocoa butter of course…what am i thinking. 100% cocoa butter sticks…man they work wonders. we’ve used them in our family for generations.

i just have to apply the stick of cocoa butter to my crotch each time i shower. it’s also greasy but has a pleasant smell, like chocolate. i figure it will take at least a month of applying it twice every day before i see results. but i’m gonna start tonight.

man i hate electronic voice prompts when i’m forced to send my voice over the phone in order to have an issue addressed. time was i could just press 0 and a live voice would have immediate mercy and attend to me. but that doesn’t work anymore. now you press 0 and it’s likely to cause the call to terminate. you’ll get a crisp “goodbye” and iPhone’s “call failed” alert to confirm you just got hung up on.

so now i’m forced to sit carefully through these automated “instructions” before i can even attempt to categorize my call, which i’m then immediately prompted to do. frack. my mind is blank. i just wanna talk to somebody. but i wasn’t paying attention and now i have to press or say $#@! to repeat these menu options. great.

so now i’m listening intently but don’t hear an option that matches my inquiry cause now i’ve categorized it to within an inch of its life. but i’d still prefer a live voice. not yet though. i have to broaden the scope of my inquiry to meet the first set of options offered. cool. i’m there. less tersely, i murmur “something else” and wait for the next set of menu options.

after diverting all my attention to following these annoyingly efficient electronic prompts, i suddenly lose patience and reject the automated plea to sync my inquiry with the voice menu options offered. with exaggerated diction, i chant “operator” repeatedly until at last i’ve reached the live voice options. my issue will finally get addressed. i’m gonna get to talk to someone. but the electronic voice returns to tell me that i’ve called during peak-demand time. my estimated wait time to speak with a representative is 27 days. dear god.

• back home just in time 2 see serena vs. venus @ the us open. i’m going for serena but i hope she’s classier in defeat than she was last time #
• @desireedevine hey there @ceecee916 #
• @D_Rox hey you. i like them both too. wish they didn’t have to meet so early #
• @desireedevine i hope it was good thoughts lol. i’m great. what are you up to tonight? #
• @ceecee916 class was pretty good thanks. how’s the belly? #
• @ceecee916 awww…can’t wait to hear when the baby’s born. when are you due? #
• @D_Rox yeah and the luck of the draw. well at least one will advance, yes #
• @desireedevine oh that works for sure. there is a lot to do here for sure! #
• wow first set tiebreak for the williams sisters. good match so far #
• did anyone sample terence howard (yes, you read correctly) new cd yet? i haven’t but i think i wil #
• whoa! serena wins the first set #
• @notsoblonde lol i will #
• @ampalm i figured it would be blah. not sure how he’d fit in. how’s the guitar playing though? #
• @D_Rox bls is playing a cut from the cd? i think i’ll just check the itunes samples #
• @couturefreak lol…guess it’s up to me then. *puts on mask and gloves* #
• if you put it out before you think you’re there, magical things suddenly happen. you’re already there! #
• wait..i’m missing rudy guiliani’s speech at the cvntn? there was a time when my mancrush on him was alarming. i imagined him less malovolent #
• but rudy guiliani was revealed to be horribly malevolent. what could i have possibly been thinking? #
• uh-oh. & now he’s gonna mock barack obama. guiliani…there was never any admiration between us…ya hear? that’s why you’re not the nominee #
• @geekandahalf i was a disillusioned, naive young man. i renounce everything about my affiliations at that time lol #
• yeah rudy is gonna need extra security after this. not a good look guiliani. but then again, you’re just playing your part too, aren’t you #
• if rudy guiliani’s own children are estranged from him, he must be a pretty alienating, angry person #
• lol judy nathan guiliani. she came off lol. but they ripped her to shreds during the early primary and that sinked rudy’s campaign for sure #
• at least no combover on guiliani. those of you who were not new yorkers in the 90′s were spared his constant, hostile media presence. #
• holy frack was that bristol’s baby daddy? he is real easy on the eyes… #
• @karsh lol don’t he? wow…but the curly locks were hot too though right? #
• bristol’s baby daddy looks like john mayer. #
• ok all things considered, from first glance…sarah palin is a knock out!!! #
• @notsoblonde lmao!!! #
• @bun_ebombshell yeah that movie great! soul man is one of my all-time faves. he does look like c. thomas howell. #
• @karsh lol for real #
• yep…the entire palin family is easy on the eyes. no wonder bristol got knocked up #
• bristol palin is the new becky from Roseanne. don’t she look like a becky though? #
• so heather is the sister palin yelled to “oh girl no he didn’t. we gon’ fix that dude, trust” one late night a few years back huh? #
• gotta give it to the republicans though. they’re handing it to obama, race aside. interesting strategy. the gloves are off #
• sarah palin is ineffective and clearly out of her element. she’s giving a book club speech to a national audience. she is nowhere near ready #
• oh wow just turned to the us open and the second set between venus and serene is in a tiebreak now. i won’t be returning to sarah palin #
• wow serena wins. she’s in the semi’s now. what a competitive match. the best so far for sure #us open #
• @microscopiq serena did! venus wasn’t prepared for that. yay! serena! #
• serena was very poised and graceful in her victory speech. go williams sisters! #
• morning all #
• Here waiting for the second (and last) class of the day to start. Hope I can get a wireless signal on my laptop here #
• finished cooking, cleaning and sorting laundry. feeling tired but so, so ready for football tonight! mccain’s speech, not so much. #
• @kanyewest i was hoping you’d release that version as a single after the grammy awards. i really got into your performance of it #

• morning all! back up with all of you at this unnatural hour getting the kids ready for school. Make it a good one #
• good god. kelly ripa is looking gorgeous on gma right now! #
• @davidjhinson lmao! i guess looking good, cause she does it well #
• back home from class #
• headed to pick up the girls from school. i hope there’s lots of correspondence from teachers & administrators. i love reading that stuff #
• my god i look a fright. ashy knees & ankles, mandals a 1/2 size too big, cargo shorts w/ bird poop from saturday & i havent shaved in 2 wks #
• I went to class looking like this this morning & won’t do anything about it for the eve class either. Oh well #
• @notsoblonde umm…I think I am. I mean I guess. I just don’t much care about the way I look. Hopefully that changes soon #
• @TreoBenny LOL for sure. I’ll pull it together soon #
• @ImHIVPositive nap time is always good. Welcome to my twitter fam. Now I have someone to share tcell counts & med side effects #
• @notsoblonde thanks! The house is pretty clean so I can afford to slack up on the appearance. #
• @tru_ble hehe. I’ll get it together. You finished sorting through those emails yet? #
• Finished filling out school administrative forms for 3 children. Dropped the girls off at their mom’s & now headed to my evening class #
• Tonight’s my alcohol/drug class. Taught by a recovering addict and attended by a current alcoholic (me). Let’s see if it helps me stay sober #

with 500 people listening

he’d wonder aloud of life’s meaning

the feedback informed a fragile self-esteem

that relied on replies among those who were following

in their absence he’d collapse with such worthless feelings

an invalidated being; so much potential unredeemed

with self-imposed obstacles to fulfilling his dreams

and content with this predicament or so it generally seemed

“why all the self hate? marinate.” or so he would tweet

his lack of clue is laughable now don’t you agree

what an incredible reference to those he’s mimicking

a bitter effort to ridicule those who intimidate me

pain unimaginable; only manageable through constant escaping

with stoli, juice, and twitter—oops! it’s currently over capacity